Why am I so Wise?
One morning two people said this simultaneously.
In the blink of an eye they were facing each other. Adrian was looking at Nadine and Nadine was looking at Adrian.
“Who are you?” they asked simultaneously.
Then Adrian looked left and Nadine looked right, and seated on a chaise lounge was someone else. In perfect unison they asked, “who are you?…and where am I?…what happened?”
“Take a seat folks. I’m the Hierarchical counselor in charge of the eradication of nonsense and absurdity. This year anyone who mentions the word ‘wise’ gets a free, all expenses paid trip to see me.
“Now, Adrian, meet Nadine; Nadine, this is Adrian. You can refer to me as Patience. Do sit,” and he swept his arm to indicate two more chaises.
Adrian strode over and sat on the end, stiffly. Nadine, meanwhile, started to turn purple. Patience raised his hand and suggested, “Nadine, you don’t know enough yet to be reasonably outraged, so cut the tantrum and sit, please.”
She sat, stiffly, just like Adrian.
“Well, this is jolly,” went on Patience. “You two look as though you’re waiting to have all your teeth pulled. It might be wise to ask yourself why you have selected this attitude as the most appropriate”
Both Nadine and Adrian noticed a repulsion between them and an attraction to Patience, but, on principle, out of indignation, they spurned acknowledging his existence.
“I must be dreaming,” asserted Adrian.
“No, I’m dreaming!” countered Nadine.
“I wish I were dreaming,” trumped Patience with a sigh. “Pinch yourselves and let’s get on with looking into your question.”
“What question?” shot out two voices in unison, horrified that they could possibly have anything to do with this situation they found themselves in.
Nadine continued: “I did not know the rules. I would never have said I was wise if I knew this would happen! I didn’t know. Now put me back where I was, this instant! If I knew I never would have said it, and I didn’t mean it that way, anyway.”
Adrian grimaced at this display of utter nonsense, and with a great show of arrogance and a suddenly acquired lisp he declared, “I’d thay it again, because it’s true.”
Patience’s head dropped an eight of an inch and shook almost imperceptibly. “Are either of you the least bit interested in what has occurred to you this morning?”
“No, I want to go home,” shot Nadine.
Adrian levelled his gaze at Patience and hummed, “mildly.”
“And you both claim to be wise, and wonder why, is this right?”
“Yes,” they chimed.
“I must hear your definition of ‘wise’.”
Nadine shot out, “Oh! So you’re questioning whether or not I’m wise. What makes you such an authority? Who are you anyway, and…” gazing about her, “where am I?” and there was a modicum of awe in her voice.
Adrian now took in his surroundings also, and they certainly did inspire awe. The three dark wooden chaises were on a rock platform atop a hill, overlooking a broad valley. To their left was a sparkling crescent shaped lake, and to their right an equally sparkling round lake, beyond which rose a large mountain with a rounded top. Beyond this, in the far distance, rose wave upon wave of mountains.
It struck the two visitors, finally, that they were actually somewhere, now that they were registering something beyond their immediate comfort.
“Yes,” muttered Adrian, who was now lispless once again, and then his voice rose a bit: “good lord, where are we?”
“In a suitable setting for me to hear why you are so wise,” said Patience. “Any objections?”
No one responded.
Patience continued: “It would not really aid you, would it, to know the longitude or latitude? Of what use are the present boundaries or size or name of the so-called nation, its capital, its Gross National Product or political stripe. Of what good would that be to you or anyone else, for that matter, when the topic is wisdom and your release into it.
“Come, have your coffee and a warm bun. They are very good.”
Adrian and Nadine felt the first slight stirrings of foolishness, enough at least to allow them to take in some of their surroundings and notice that absolutely nothing appeared threatening. The vista was magnificent, the coffee smelled very inviting, the buns considerate. They both took the time now to look at Patience. Nadine assessed him as overweight and old; she wondered how he couldn’t know that moustaches were out, but she gave him credit for the nice colors he wore and his great voice and kind eyes. She thought he was probably rich.
Adrian’s thoughts ran: old, successful (I wonder if he owns this place? Whose his broker? Great spot for a hotel and golf course; maybe that Hierarchy group is into development).
Patience was chuckling away as he poured the coffee and handed it to his unwilling guests.
“What’s so funny?” demanded Nadine, immediately doing a quick check of her attire and running her fingers through her hair.
“Does my amusement make you uncomfortable?”
“Well,” said Nadine, “are you laughing at me? Is something wrong? Is my hair alright – do you have a mirror? I mean, I’d barely finished dressing when I was kidnapped. Damn! I don’t have my bag and briefcase! Great, now what am I going to do? Do you have a cell phone?”
“Shit!” burst in Adrian, “what time is it? I hadn’t put on my watch when I was ‘kidnapped.’ I’ve got a tee-off time at 10:30 at Burning Tree, and you’ll never believe who with. It could be significant, if you know what I mean.”
Patience held up a hand and said, “my, my, you two do go on. Your thoughts and words are like a barrage. I was amused by your thoughts of me.”
“Good coffee, Guatemalan?” interrupted Nadine.
“What do you mean, ‘our thoughts of you?’” asked Adrian.
“Damn!” shouted Nadine. “You’re not one of those psychic mind reader people are you? I saw one last time I was in Vegas. People were forking over their bucks like crazy. No wonder you can afford this place.”
“Well then,” added Adrian, “do you think we can do a deal? This group you’re with – what did you call it – Hierarchy? – are you the chairman?”
Nadine was reviewing what she had thought, and was a bit agitated as she blurted, “oh, you’re not really overweight; it looks good on you at your age. Nothing I hate more than scrawny old people, and I suppose a moustache is a good idea at your age. It covers up those lip creases. Men are so lucky they can grow one. Good idea. I…oh…”
“Great buns! Cardamom?” injected Adrian. “Anyone got the time?”
“Yeah, what about that cell phone,” said Nadine.
“Hierarchy,” began Patience, “are a group of beings dedicated, devoted to the working out of the Plan on earth, the Plan for Humanity.”
“It’s always good to have a plan,” interrupted Adrian. “Say, you guys haven’t perfected that beamer thing from Star Trek, have you? Damn, Nadine, that’s it! We’ve been beamed here. You old dog, Patience – well, this is exciting. What’s your proposal? How will you market it? What can I do for you, I’d love to be a part of it.”
“You are a part of It already,” said Patience.
“He is? What about me? Wow! The graphics! The T.V. campaign! I can see them now, and that ‘Thus Spoke Zarathustra’ music. Count me in too, Patience”
“Yes. But you must listen to me and stop this babbling.”
“Anything you say, boss,” chirped Nadine.
“First, I am not Chairman of Hierarchy. We – “
“Well, we aren’t fussy; we’ll talk with you anyway. Probably one of the innumerable VP’s, eh?”
“Please, will you just be quiet and let me address all your misconceptions. I am not Chairman of Hierarchy. I am not a psychic mind reader from Vegas. You were not beamed here, and I am not selling anything.”
“Oh….got the time?”
“Yeah, about that cell phone…”
“Both of you asked why you were so wise. That is why I am interested in you. Wisdom is so lacking in the world that anyone who even thinks of it is noticed by the Elder Brothers of the race, and we inquire as to whether they will sincerely expand into wisdom, thus helping to construct reality in the midst of the illusion of chaos.”
“Sounds weird.”
“Is this some sort of a cult?”
“Oh my god! Do you think so, Adrian?”
“Stop it,” insisted Patience.
“Who are you to tell us to stop anything! We have rights. Those cults take all your money; that’s all their after. How can people be so stupid?”
“If you two are so wise, what is it you have realized?”
“Well, I’m wise because today I play golf with the VP of the U.S. and the Under-Secretary of agriculture for Canada. I beat out at least sixty other guys for that spot, and you know what that means…”
“Okay. Nadine, why did you realize you were so wise?”
“Well, it just came to me that I could retire in ten years. That will make me fourt-five, and I will have enough money in my portfolio to last me ‘til I’m ninety. I don’t have to think about relationships with jerks, or fulfilling myself with motherhood. I’m really good at buying low and selling high, and in ten years the world is my oyster. I’ll be free. That’s why I’m so wise.”
“I see,” said Patience. “So, to both of you, wisdom is the ability to be free to gain?”
“Sure, what else is there?” answered Adrian.
“To gain money and power is to be wise?”
“Sure, what else is there?” answered Nadine, sounding bored.
“Would you be interested in learning what else there is?”
“Oh shit! He’s a recruiter for one of these non-governmental organizations. The feel good about helping squad. No, no, no,” and Nadine put her hands over her ears and started humming.
Patience waited patiently until she stopped. “I am not a recruiter for anything. I am inquiring into humanity to find who we can support.”
“You’re looking for candidates?” injected Adrian with enthusiasm.
Patience looked at him warily, wondering what was to be misunderstood next, and said, “I suppose you could say that.”
“Well then, it is an honor to be considered. I guess you heard about my golf game today with the VP.”
“No, I hadn’t heard of that.”
“Ah, then it’s just my many years of contributing to the parties – every candidate. Or was it that little bit of work I did in Bhutan? What am I being considered for?” His eyes sparkled and Patience noticed thought firing in all directions, something like: Secretary of Com – no, Ambass – or delegation – or special –“
“I think once again you will be disappointed, Adrian. I am not offering you a position of any sort. I am here to aid you in your inquiry into why you are so wise, but I see that you seem to think you know what it means. You see wisdom as something that reflects your own personal cleverness in a world that has no room for or interest in actual wisdom. You have just used the wrong word.
“And you too, Nadine. You are not wise. You are smart, astute, lucky, clever.”
“Hey, I’ll take what I can get,” said Nadine. “So I got the word wrong. Who cares. Who cares what ‘wise’ means.”
“Yeah right, Nadine, but…er…Patience…is there a…a payoff for being interested in wisdom?”
“Patience looked a wee bit concerned as he replied, “yeesss.”
“Oh! So to be wise is better than smart, clever, astute or lucky?”
“Let me put it this way,” said Patience, and leaned forward to lend emphasis to his words. Adrian and Nadine leaned forward in response.
“Imagine, if you will, a world composed of clever people, people who lok for opportunities all the time, whose primary thought is ‘how can I take advantage of something or some situation?’ Advantage means personal benefit. ‘How will I personally benefit’ is the motivation for every action, every word, every thought.
“The clever listen and see everything through this PB – personal benefit - filter. This filter removes a whole greater and more abundant reality. The PB filter creates conflict. Conflict is nothing except wasteful. Conflict is extremely inefficient, and is contrary to life. More money is wasted on conflict than anything else.”
Patience paused and looked deeply at his two ‘hostages,’ he had finally said something that got their attention. He only slightly regretted it was money. ‘Hey, as they said, I’ll take what I can get,’ thought Patience. He continued: “wisdom opens life to harmony, and that is very efficient. There is not a scrap of waste in harmony. The effects of applied wisdom are constructive. The effects of applied cleverness are de-constructive.”
“Huh?” murmured Nadine and Adrian simultaneously.
“Wisdom - its words, its thoughts support humanity as a group, or the individual in living life on earth with understanding and in love, not in fear and ignorance.”
“Is there a little LSD in your coffee,” quipped Nadine.
“No, wait a minute Nadine,” Adrian jumped in, “Patience, do you mean that…are you suggesting that…naw. But…I remember a bit of a line from a movie. I think it was a runner quoting from the Bible; it was the way he said it. he said, ‘do you not know? Have you not heard?’ Just that, and somehow I thought, ‘damn, I’m outta’ the loop.’ I felt so cheated, so stupid, just for a second there. Just the way he matter-of-factly said that line – ‘Do you not know? Have you not heard?’ Every time I remember it I feel so dissatisfied with all I know, and all I’ve heard. I try never to remember it.”
“I do that all the time,” said Nadine eagerly. “Yeah, I heard things I don’t want to hear, and I just force myself to forget.”
“Oh, I do that too,” agreed Adrian. “I mean, everybody’s always telling you, ‘do this, do that.’ It’s insane. That information highway, age of communications; it’s enough to drive you ‘round the bend. But what I mean is different. Those lines from the Bible, they were talking about something different.” He leaned back in the chaise and relaxed, his head turned toward the domed mountain as he continued: “No, it’s deep within me; those words hit a chord. They make not just me, but the whole basis of how we live seem totally foolish. Those words are comforting to me, yet I forget them - on purpose. Do you see what I’m saying? Me, I’m saying that I am comforted by knowing I’m a fool. Really!” He looked at Patience, and Patience seemed to be looking at him, well, fondly. “What are you saying, Patience? What does that look mean?”
“It means, welcome. I am glad you have come, even though it was not your idea. But it was your wish.”
“What’s going on?” asked Nadine. “Is this some guy thing? I wanna’ go home.”
“”Guy thing?” asked Patience.
“”You know, male bonding thing. Are you gonna’ beat drums and declare you’re wise men and invite the children and females to come and do you honor?”
“”Oh!” said Patience, and before Nadine’s eyes he became a she. The white hair now swept up into a bun, a slightly pudgy woman was now looking at her as if to say, ‘how insensitive of me, I apologize.’”
“Who are you!?” Nadine demanded. “How’d you do that?”
Adrian seemed not to notice. He was gazing off at the lakes in an extraordinarily intent way.
“I am an observer, an inquirer. I am not a threat, Nadine. My form became offensive to you, so I changed it. The Work is important, not my form. You do not have to accept me as male. That is not the point. That you help me to understand what you mean is important. I think that when you and Adrian suggested you were wise, you meant it, but, due to great ignorance on the subject of wisdom, did not know what you were experiencing. This produced fear, and fear is, well, crap, as I think you would say, no?”
“What else is there but fear?”
“Ah, it is a wise person who can ask such a question,” beamed Patience.
In a twinkling, simultaneously, Nadine and Adrian were back where they were. Nadine putting the finishing touches on her dressing, and Adrian rooting out his golf shoes.
Patience was recording that the seeds of wisdom were still present in these two. It confirmed what he was finding in all his subjects. Hierarchy’s great virtue is Patience, so his report would be, “satisfactory.”